remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How naked do you want me to be?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
