great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize