if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
