Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Sext me about skeletons
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize