Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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