hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
