I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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