highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
