She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
