a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
