DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
