Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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