I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
