This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
