So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
