Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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