Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize