Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
