Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I stole a fireplace last night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
