She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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