just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
