So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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