It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
