I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
