There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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