i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
