Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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