the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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