Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
