I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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