you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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