hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize