I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
