ugly people sure do ruin things
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
