Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
