hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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