I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize