Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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