in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
