I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
