When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
