get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
