I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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