There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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