Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
