she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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