so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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