Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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