He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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