I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
