I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Shame - the story of my life.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
