mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He passed out mid-signature
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize