just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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