why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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