So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
