Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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