why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
