I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
