nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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