so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
