her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It was like getting head from an anaconda
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
