there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
