Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
