If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
