I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
