You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
did i just pee glitter
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
