I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just had sex bonerless
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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