Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
