Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
ttyl tear gas
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
