The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize