The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
