I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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