Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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