Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
