dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
