I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
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