You smell like stripper and shame
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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