what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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