I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
